This song represents the sound I wish my childhood was.

“I do not wish to hurt you, I do not wish to numb you, I do not want to change you, you are whoever you are.”

So often as a trainee Music Therapist I hear people describe the sound of their childhood as loud, unpredictable, terrifying.
Daniel Stern wrote of how a babies inherent musicality moves and softens and matches when the mother sings a lullaby and mirrors and encourages the babies movements and sounds. It is so indescribably sad to think of how few babies get that true inherent lullaby in every sense as they enter and grow in this world.

How would you describe the sound of your childhood? the song and melody of your home you experienced as you enter and grew in this world? What do you wish that song was? And how does that contrast feel?

I will let Rachel take it from here:

2022-02-24T19:57:14+00:00Music, Uncategorized|

The Sun does not ‘help’ anyone, it just is the Sun

The Sun does not ‘help’ anyone, it just is the Sun

These words led me to a full on mini breakdown.

They were spoken to me by someone who reflects to me personally an angel in human form, a kind, gentle woman.

I was stressing SO much about trying to help and caretake everyone. I was/am fucking exhausted. I have no boundaries and I would rather fix others than myself. I have the false belief if I can help those who attack me see more I can manage and control the situation and imminent attack. I believe if I can try and fix everything I wont need to soften to the terror that I caused all their pain and strife. Trust me this doesn’t work, I am  exhausted from trying.

What does seem to work though is using prayer and truth to stir up emotions, then, with God’s helping hand and heart, release the emotions as much as possible, linking them to our childhood, accessing our hurt child where possible.

Softening to the grief of the attack instead of trying to manage and control it is something I simply have not been doing but now want to try, because I have found for certainty that managing and controlling only exacerbates pain, where as surrendering to overwhelming emotions, relieves suffering instantly for my soul and all involved.

adore  this sentence ‘The Sun does not ‘help’ anyone, it just is the Sun.’ The Sun isn’t trying to help anyone or be anything for anyone else, it simply is the sun and by being what it was created to do, it shines. It gives us vitamins, minerals, warmth.

Most importantly it lights up the whole world by just being itself, and that light naturally reaches into every area of darkness in a constant humble cycles of sunrise and dawn. Giving us the opportunity to see vast vistas of beauty and know periods of rest and revival and aliveness. The sun gives us an opportunity to look up to the sky and always see cracks of light through clouds and storms, reminding us perfectly that God is always there trying to love us as much as we let in. 


What is your gift capable of lighting up if you allow yourself to shine, despite it all?

How will your Soul’s sun reflect qualities of our humble and gentle God?

What is your nature? Your gifts God gave specifically to you? What can your Soul’s Sun light up in this world? What parts of your own darkness or earths darkness can your gift or sunshine light up?


We all have a gift of magnitude within us, whyyyyy can’t we help each other shine instead of attack the soft qualities of God that peek out from those brave and vulnerable simply because they stir emotions we are unwilling to feel. Is it not that any emotional pain is better than that pain of doing that to another?

Sometimes I fucking hate being on earth, sometimes I fucking love it. Yet the sun is just chilling being up in the sky and shining. I aspire to that level of both shine and chill hahaha <3


Here is Jesus’ stunning talk on the topic “What is your Treasure”

20121216 The Human Soul – What Is Your Treasure P1 – YouTube


Here is my wee song on the subject to myself and for anyone who may need a reminder like me (on the daily lol)

Stream What did you put inside my soul God? by Fawn_Music | Listen online for free on SoundCloud

2021-09-16T10:23:24+00:00Thoughts, Uncategorized|

Anytime I talk to you, I go to church

I hold my heart up to you God

Fleshy, bruised, damaged and sore.

Sunken and aching.

Hollow and rigid in parts.

Angry and sad, mostly I am sad right now Lord.


I’m terrified of my grief, help me soften into it like the little child you made me to be.

Help me know that my me is:

Sensitive not over dramatic

Expressive not a show off

A Performer not demonstrative

Damaged not a nuisance

Empathetic not pathetic.


Revive me Lord.

Resuscitate me God.


Enliven my flesh so it reflects your love.

Take the charred, bruised and sunken hollow parts of my heart and breathe life back into me.


No matter how much they try and dampen my keys with their foot on the pedal.

No matter how much they try and mute my strings.

They can take away the bow to my hearts violin and yet I will still express my sorrow, despite it all. With you and because of your love.

No matter how much they try and dim my light,

Let it not go out my Lord, my God.


As Sampha said, no one knows me like the piano in my mother’s home.

Help me understand my parents choices and not take it all on as my own fault.


The shame and worry I feel when I express your gift of music you gave to me is an error, help me know that and release it fully my Lord.

Help me embrace my me fully. And see my person as a gift not a problem.

Help me not be bitter about it all, help me stay as soft as a baby.


Help me restore my lost melodies, my hidden caverns, my sorrow and my goodness.

Restore the longings I felt God in Venice’s piazzas, France’s alps, Scotlands purple heather, the lonely apartments I’ve been lost in. The lonely, loud cities.


Restore me.

Restore the unspoken words, the unwritten agreements and the broken hearts from my past relationships.


Restore me God

Revive me God

Resuscitate me my Lord.


In my aching heart I write to you, you who is only feeling and good, you who will not ever chastise my sorrow but instead hold and soothe me through it. This is all so unknown, so scary and I am terrified.



2021-11-04T07:32:01+00:00Poetry, Uncategorized|

More resources on dealing with family enmeshment, incest and family or one parent engulfing

All works by Pia Mellody I am finding great

Pia Mellody

All works by Dr Kenneth Adams

Dr. Kenneth M. Adams – Overcoming Enmeshment


I am really starting to feel what a true assault on the soul it is to be engulfed by the opposite or same gender parent. I often feel unable to focus on myself and instead only feel and want to feel my dads emotions. It feels like taking the purity of birthing a child of God and turning them into a wooden robotic puppet doll only there for your pleasure and resource, in the same way my dog teddy brought me comfort when sad. The hatred and jealousy I experienced from mum for this dynamic meant I lost out on a relationship with my own mother. Emotional incest must be discussed with more seriousness and fervency.

I am creating some youtube videos on this subject as my experience with my father has been an all consuming extreme form of emotional incest and it has poisoned each part of my life. But really Pia and Ken explain this topic so well with decades of clinical experience so I hope you enjoy their work.

2021-08-10T13:13:39+00:00Resources, Uncategorized|

Tips Bermain Judi Bola Online

Mengamati Catatan Tim
Dengan kalian nanti mesti bisa menilai kesebelasan tangguh didalam bermain permainan daftar sbobet taruhan bola sbobet online tersebut. Jelas saja kalian nantinya juga tidak boleh pernah lupa guna mengamati daftar tim dari kedua tim. Jadi sebelum anda tentukan kesebelasan yang akan kalian jadikan sebagai media bertaruh kamu pada permainan tersebut.

Usahakan kalian sudah bisa mengantongi informasi dari daftar kedua tim. Dimana kalian harus dapat memahami lima laga dan head to head dari kedua tim. Tentu dari sinilah kalian nanti akan gampang didalam menggali peluang menang besar bermain permainan taruhan bola online tersebut.

Cara Mencari Peluang Menang Besar Dalam Judi Bola Online
Untuk mendapatkan kemenangan pada permainan taruhan sbobet indonesia sebenarnya tidak teralu sulit guys, malah dapat dikatakan sangat mudah. Oleh sebab itu kehadiran kami hari ini adalah dengan menghadirkan beberapa peluang menang pada situs judi bola sbobet uang asli di Indonesia. Disini kalian para pembaca wajib memerhatikan secara detail agar bisa mendapatkan keuntungan besar. Untuk lebih jelasnya lagi anda dapat pelajari semua artikel yang ada di bawah ini :

Jadi di atas ini adalah beberapa cara mencari peluang menang bertaruh judi bola sbobet terbaik dan terpercaya Indonesia. Yang sudah terbukti bisa menambah peluang menangmu dalam bermain taruhan judi bola online. Jangan lupa juga bila ingin main judi bola online, lebih baik bermain dengan agen judi bola online terbaik dan terpercaya 24jam yang sudah sah punya lisensi resmi untuk bermain judi bola online.

Pada suatu laga yang akan kalian pertaruhkan pada permainan indonesia. Jelas kalian akan disuguhkan dua opsi tim yang dapat kalian jadikan sebagai jagoan utama anda. Tentunya kalian nanti mesti menilai kesebelasan dengan kualitas yang tangguh. Tidak apa-apa odds kecil yang urgen menang dan anda mendapatkan deviden dari website judi bola sbobet.

Namun untuk anda dapat mudah menggali peluang menang bermain dalam permainan yang satu ini. Maka kalian tentu sebelum bermain wajib guna selalu menyimak masalah laga yang akan kalian pertaruhkan. Karena urusan inilah yang bakal menjadi kunci utama kalian untuk gampang dapatkan kesempatan besar menang bermain permainan taruhan sbobet indonesia.

Jika kalian mau tahu gimana cara mencari peluang menang. Jelas saja kalian bakal gampang untuk mendapatkannya didalam kalian bermain permainan tersebut. Asalkan kalian nanti bisa selalu menyimak kualitas kesebelasan pemain dari kedua team pada pertandingan yang akan dihadirkan. Di samping itu, anda nantinya pun harus bisa siapkan modal dalam jumlah yang cukup. Jika memang kalian ingin mendapat peluang menang besar dalam permainan taruhan bola sbobet online tersebut.

Mencari kesempatan menang besar dalam bermain permainan judi bola online memang bukan masalah yang susah untuk dilakukan. Tentunya kalian nantinya akan mudah sekali untuk menggali peluang menang besar dalam permainan taruhan bola sbobet mobile indonesia.


Keuntungan Mudah Sistem Sebuah Situs Sicbo Online Terpercaya

Mengingat larangan pertaruhan online game Indonesia menyebabkan banyak petaruh sejati sulit ketika mencari keuntungan situs sicbo online terpercaya. Namun semenjak ada kemudahan dalam raih situs sicbo online terpercaya, menyebabkan para petaruh ulang bersemangat. Apalagi dari bandar sbobet resmi kala pandemi seperti sekarang yang menyebabkan perekonomian dunia menurun. Pertaruhan Indonesia sebenarnya terbilang sering petaruh mainkan sejak dulu, apalagi judi sicbo uang asli terpercaya.

Biasanya pemain dapat melacak situs sicbo resmi dan terpercaya untuk dapat bermain secara langsung bersama teman-temannya. Berkat kecanggihan teknologi ini lah, kami tidak wajib repot melacak game betting versi mobile karena telah banyak tersebar di Indonesia. Sebelum kami mengupas apa saja segi yang menyebabkan para petaruh selamanya bertahan memainkan sic bo resmi dan terpercaya, mari kami pelajari lebih rinci apa itu judi sicbo online terpercaya:

Sistem Situs Judi Sicbo Online Terpercaya

Situs judi sicbo online terpercaya memiliki sistem pertaruhan terbaik kala ini, dapat kalian amati hingga hingga kala ini. Pada sisi lain terhitung permainan judi sicbo resmi dan terpercaya ini sangatlah menyenangkan, kalian tidak memiliki batas apa-pun pada kala ingin mengakses permainan untungkan ini.

Kalian dapat mengakses bermacam macam judi sicbo online terbaru 2021 hanya dengan tercatat member salah satu situs sicbo online terbaik Indonesia. Berikut ini adalah hal tersering berguna sebagai alasan bagi petaruh profesional dalam mengakses sicbo judi online terpercaya :

Proses Pendaftaran Tercepat

Sistem kala laksanakan daftar sicbo online android benar-benar gampang loh. Calon member baru hanya diminta untuk mencantumkan beberapa dataasli kalian pada formulir registrasi pada daftar situs sicbo resmi dan terpercaya. Jika knowledge selanjutnya telah kamu berikan kepada customer service, maka kamu tinggal menunggu kurang dari 3 menit untuk menyebabkan id judi sicbo terbaik untuk kamu. Abis itu kalian bisa langsung download idn poker uang asli indonesia. sebelum memulai memainkan game online tersebut.

Akses Mudah Tanpa Batas

Seperti yang telah kami katakan pada awalnya bahwa permainan judi sicbo online terpercaya dapat anda mainkan tanpa ada batasan apapun. Pertama, kamu dapat mengakses situs sicbo resmi dan terpercaya lewat smartphone yang dapat kamu bawa kemana saja. Apalagi akses ini dapat aktif full selama 24jam, dalam kata lain kamu dapat memainkan judi sicbo uang asli kapan saja dan dimana saja. Ini terhitung yang membuat banyak petaruh semakin berani meninggalkan pekerjaan mereka hanya untuk melacak keuntungan judi sicbo online android terbaik seharian penuh.

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