The gift of time and the gift of the heart
Two of the biggest precious commodities ever ever ever
The Sun does not ‘help’ anyone, it just is the Sun
The Sun does not ‘help’ anyone, it just is the Sun
These words led me to a full on mini breakdown.
They were spoken to me by someone who reflects to me personally an angel in human form, a kind, gentle woman.
I was stressing SO much about trying to help and caretake everyone. I was/am fucking exhausted. I have no boundaries and I would rather fix others than myself. I have the false belief if I can help those who attack me see more I can manage and control the situation and imminent attack. I believe if I can try and fix everything I wont need to soften to the terror that I caused all their pain and strife. Trust me this doesn’t work, I am exhausted from trying.
What does seem to work though is using prayer and truth to stir up emotions, then, with God’s helping hand and heart, release the emotions as much as possible, linking them to our childhood, accessing our hurt child where possible.
Softening to the grief of the attack instead of trying to manage and control it is something I simply have not been doing but now want to try, because I have found for certainty that managing and controlling only exacerbates pain, where as surrendering to overwhelming emotions, relieves suffering instantly for my soul and all involved.
I adore this sentence ‘The Sun does not ‘help’ anyone, it just is the Sun.’ The Sun isn’t trying to help anyone or be anything for anyone else, it simply is the sun and by being what it was created to do, it shines. It gives us vitamins, minerals, warmth.
Most importantly it lights up the whole world by just being itself, and that light naturally reaches into every area of darkness in a constant humble cycles of sunrise and dawn. Giving us the opportunity to see vast vistas of beauty and know periods of rest and revival and aliveness. The sun gives us an opportunity to look up to the sky and always see cracks of light through clouds and storms, reminding us perfectly that God is always there trying to love us as much as we let in.
What is your gift capable of lighting up if you allow yourself to shine, despite it all?
How will your Soul’s sun reflect qualities of our humble and gentle God?
What is your nature? Your gifts God gave specifically to you? What can your Soul’s Sun light up in this world? What parts of your own darkness or earths darkness can your gift or sunshine light up?
We all have a gift of magnitude within us, whyyyyy can’t we help each other shine instead of attack the soft qualities of God that peek out from those brave and vulnerable simply because they stir emotions we are unwilling to feel. Is it not that any emotional pain is better than that pain of doing that to another?
Sometimes I fucking hate being on earth, sometimes I fucking love it. Yet the sun is just chilling being up in the sky and shining. I aspire to that level of both shine and chill hahaha <3
Here is Jesus’ stunning talk on the topic “What is your Treasure”
20121216 The Human Soul – What Is Your Treasure P1 – YouTube
Here is my wee song on the subject to myself and for anyone who may need a reminder like me (on the daily lol)
Stream What did you put inside my soul God? by Fawn_Music | Listen online for free on SoundCloud
Anytime I talk to you, I go to church
I hold my heart up to you God
Fleshy, bruised, damaged and sore.
Sunken and aching.
Hollow and rigid in parts.
Angry and sad, mostly I am sad right now Lord.
I’m terrified of my grief, help me soften into it like the little child you made me to be.
Help me know that my me is:
Sensitive not over dramatic
Expressive not a show off
A Performer not demonstrative
Damaged not a nuisance
Empathetic not pathetic.
Revive me Lord.
Resuscitate me God.
Enliven my flesh so it reflects your love.
Take the charred, bruised and sunken hollow parts of my heart and breathe life back into me.
No matter how much they try and dampen my keys with their foot on the pedal.
No matter how much they try and mute my strings.
They can take away the bow to my hearts violin and yet I will still express my sorrow, despite it all. With you and because of your love.
No matter how much they try and dim my light,
Let it not go out my Lord, my God.
As Sampha said, no one knows me like the piano in my mother’s home.
Help me understand my parents choices and not take it all on as my own fault.
The shame and worry I feel when I express your gift of music you gave to me is an error, help me know that and release it fully my Lord.
Help me embrace my me fully. And see my person as a gift not a problem.
Help me not be bitter about it all, help me stay as soft as a baby.
Help me restore my lost melodies, my hidden caverns, my sorrow and my goodness.
Restore the longings I felt God in Venice’s piazzas, France’s alps, Scotlands purple heather, the lonely apartments I’ve been lost in. The lonely, loud cities.
Restore me.
Restore the unspoken words, the unwritten agreements and the broken hearts from my past relationships.
Restore me God
Revive me God
Resuscitate me my Lord.
In my aching heart I write to you, you who is only feeling and good, you who will not ever chastise my sorrow but instead hold and soothe me through it. This is all so unknown, so scary and I am terrified.
Amen.
More resources on dealing with family enmeshment, incest and family or one parent engulfing
All works by Pia Mellody I am finding great
All works by Dr Kenneth Adams
Dr. Kenneth M. Adams – Overcoming Enmeshment
I am really starting to feel what a true assault on the soul it is to be engulfed by the opposite or same gender parent. I often feel unable to focus on myself and instead only feel and want to feel my dads emotions. It feels like taking the purity of birthing a child of God and turning them into a wooden robotic puppet doll only there for your pleasure and resource, in the same way my dog teddy brought me comfort when sad. The hatred and jealousy I experienced from mum for this dynamic meant I lost out on a relationship with my own mother. Emotional incest must be discussed with more seriousness and fervency.
I am creating some youtube videos on this subject as my experience with my father has been an all consuming extreme form of emotional incest and it has poisoned each part of my life. But really Pia and Ken explain this topic so well with decades of clinical experience so I hope you enjoy their work.
