If it was my very nature that got me in harms way
How do I fall in love with myself God?
How do I embrace my warmth, my sensitivity and my song
If those very things created such friction in my caretakers souls?
I lean into myself then I sabotage like a terrorist
But it is only me wearing the suicide vest now.
And those around me are open to the shrapnel that falls
And I am obliterated.
To embrace my true self seems to bring such hate and conspiracy
Not knowing if my true nature brings such sparks of beauty or sparks of offensive, putrid waste
is my war.
A silent war, a war only obvious to me
A consuming war and a debilitating war.
A war that feels my very voice depends on it.
I step back and forth from the enemy lines.
A few steps towards my truth, and song and I am free.
Then I retreat back to my enemies, wanting their approval
and I am lost, angry and bitter, throwing silent grenades like it is justified.
Or I remain on the fence, in no mans land.
Numb, not belonging to either side.
No honour or courage lives here,
dull brain fog hails over making a choice.
13/02/2022
