For myself and I am guessing many of us, we have not had a good blueprint of what a healthy relationship would even look like. I never saw my parents say a nice word to each other and never saw them show affection. Yelling, slamming doors, swearing, co-dependent barter, depression, anger, financial abuse, power play, and storming off on foot or by dangerous racing cars was my blueprint map. The more I realised I do not know much, if anything, about love, the more that truth felt a relief and opens me up to the fact that I will have to study love if I want to get better at it. Truth brings room for growth, denial just leaves us stuck where we are.

It is okay to not know how to love, it doesn’t make us bad people, in fact I think God has an extremely tender, individual affection towards us and our history when we have not been shown how to love, and wants to nurse and tend to us as he guides us to learn about love. However I think we must take responsibility for this truth, accept it inside of us, and make choices in humility to desire to grow in love if we want different results to what our parents mapped.

I am at the very beginning of seeing humility as a friend who can direct me straight into the arms of God. It has taken me 6 years to just begin to start to understand humility and too many mistakes to list, but it feels like one of the most important discoveries of my life. I recommend this series on youtube on humility: 20120614 Interview With Jesus & Mary – Humility S1 (An Introduction) – YouTube

To humble to our errors, to look at what is going on within us INSTEAD of looking at what is going on in the other, to know that any time another stirs negative emotions in us, it is OUR OWN responsibility to feel and release those emotions within, brings me some relief. As then in that process, we are in the driving seat of our own growth, noone else. No dependency. And after we have felt our own stuff that was stirred or triggered, we will know whether we want or need to address the other person or not. Either way the addressing or leaving of the other will be driven by Love as the motive, not by a need to avoid emotions within us or draw from their feelings in addiction. I have rarely been truly humble in my life but the rare moments I am, I feel connected to me, close to God and happy inside. When I am defensive, stressed, avoiding emotions I am a bit of a nightmare for myself and those around me. I am currently avoiding a ton of grief so I need to grow this fledgling relationship with humility.

I see humility as a great agency for change. And I crave change.

In fact I am going to create an ongoing list of all the great things I am finding humility to be:

  • Brings me straight away closer to God, as soon as I humble I straight away feel Gods hand closer to mine, Gods presence and breath closer.
  • Straight away it puts me in a place of less judgement, more equality and much more compassion for others. I ADORE how God has created humility and all the laws surrounding it to always bring us into a more equal loving space. When I am not humble and looking at my own shit first I am either in a place of arrogance or self put down and both feel horrendous. It is in that space where we get harder and harsher to those around us. In a humble state we are automatically softer to those around us as we are so aware that our pain and unfelt grief drive so many of our own actions and so we know it is the same for others. We go from being hard on those around us to being a lot more soft and relaxed.
  • It brings so much quicker growth and self development.
  • It feels like a different entity and universe compared to self punishment and it is beautiful to feel that difference on the rare occasion I meet humility in a tight embrace.

For anyone struggling with humility in relationships with others, family, partners, this is a stunning set of questions from Jesus on What Does Love Do in relationships:

“I will ask from my own perspective:
What would my love for myself motivate me to do for myself?
What would my love for my partner motivate me to do for them?
What do I feel my partners love for themselves motivate them to do for themselves?
What do I feel my partners love for me motivate them to do for me?

My partner will ask from his or her own perspective:
What would my love for myself motivate me to do for myself?
What would my love for my partner motivate me to do for them?
What do I feel my partners love for themselves motivate them to do for themselves?
What do I feel my partners love for me motivate them to do for me?”

Full pdf linked below

20050323-1700-1700-jesus-dt-wrt-hrpart–What Love Does in Partner Relationships–en-eletter.pdf (divinetruth.com)