“Spirit of my silence, I can hear you
But I’m afraid to be near you
And I don’t know where to begin

Somewhere in the desert, there’s a forest
And an acre before us
But I don’t know where to begin….

I see the signal searchlight strike me
In the window of my room
Well I got nothing to prove
Well I got nothing to prove

I forgive you, mother, I can hear you
And I long to be near you
But every road leads to an end

Your apparition passes through me
In the willows
Five red hens, you’ll never see us again
You’ll never see us again”

Extract from Sufjan Stephens song “Death with Dignity”

Song on a playlist by Tommy Rivs who had a near death experience he discussed on Rich Roll’s podcast, and which him and  his lovely wife Steph (@Steph_outside) write about online.

 

 

My own thoughts:

Sufjan rings in my headphones.

I relate

A life seeking from without, too afraid to go within

Too afraid to quieten and still the soul

Stillness highlights the painful rumblings that are held in a fold

 

Its possible to pick a banjo so softly it sounds like a mandolin

Like when Corelli floated his soldiers fingers across his

 

Maybe it is then possible for me to know Grace and music

Despite a life of chaos and approving

 

Its possible to excavate the soul with an archaeologist’s brush touch Jewel said

But how do you calm a terrified soul gently?

 

How can I calm the raging want to open up my ribcage, and show my heart

So that I don’t feel the need to explain, overshare, or withdraw

But instead know that one human sees me and I see them (as of course their skin has been spliced and ribcage has been opened up too)

No need for explanation.

This is the beauty of the true Gods Way, sensitisation so real, words become null and void. How relieving that would be.

 

I hear this is more what its like in the spirit world.

I long for that to be honest.

I sang so loudly “I don’t want another fake conversation, I want to know the guts of your heart” in the city centre, and more people related than those who shudder at my open ribcage. For that I am filled with faith.

 

18/12/2021