I am a writer not writing

Spreadsheets and nothingness instead of a pen replaced


I am a singer not singing

My voice lives in Ursula and Titan’s cave


If I sing she will disapprove

So I don’t dare sing a note let alone an Aria


I am a dancer not dancing

My limbs have frozen like when Gunther shot Corelli in Cephalonia


I am a thinker not thinking

Dads voice is loud, my own brain is eroding


I wrote a goodbye to you

I felt like I was being dipped deeper in acid, my metal shine corroding


I am a joker not joking

Women’s scorn became too loud


I am a hopeless romantic not romancing

My last relationship saw me drown


I am a reader not reading

Thoughts and screens race with no relief


I am a mother not mothering

From an abortion and a weight of associated grief


I am a friend barely reaching out

So busy figuring my own shit out


I am an animal lover and vegan

With guilt, hurt and allergies from being born to a farming house


I am madly and deeply in love with you God

But I barely let it show as I was taught to believe in you is ridiculous


I long to talk of you God over fires and camping hikes

But I stay in small job sin small cities spending money on what is frivolous


I am a deep, fiery, feisty soul

Vivacious to my core

Staying alone in my room

Paralysing myself – God, my heart is sore.