A song about my experience receiving feedback in 2016 of my unloving condition, and then going on to long for God and start to open my heart and soften from a life of hardening. This was the most transformative, precious and special time of my life and I cannot thank Jesus and Mary enough, ever for their gift of Truth.


2016 Assistance Group – The Most Precious Time of My Life

It was 2016

I Couldn’t feel my heart beat

I Couldn’t feel anything

I felt too sick to eat.


It was 4am that morning

Sky was just waking up

& I put on my headphones

Stood on a pier and I looked above

‘About Today’ played

As the Lyrics cried out ‘you were far away’

I fell to me knees

I longed for you and I really prayed.


My Heart was in horror

At who I’d become

A hardened up shell

Lettin out no love,

Created my own hell

By covering it all up

Built a concrete wall

It was keeping me shut.


Not letting love in

Not letting love out

Couldn’t feel I was hurting

Too busy lashing out.

Afraid to feel anything

Afraid to tell the truth

Afraid what I was hearing

But I wanted to feel you.


So I looked up to the sky

I saw your birds in the light

My heart opened just a little bit

And I longed for you God

To please show me you existed

But You did so much more

You Lent me your wings of courage

When my heart was so sore

I put both of them on

Thought back to the day before.


Jesus had told me some truths and

I just didn’t know what the hell to do

So I held out my heart

I held it up to you

It was on full display

As my body, buckled hot with my shame

And I spoke to you God

Opened up to some of my pain

From the wrongs I had chose

You were there softening me as I prayed

You were so good to me Lord

You could feel my sorrow move through my veins

I thought of hurt that I caused

My life felt like a showreel of shame

You held me through it all

You knew I could feel this you had such faith

Took me back to the cause

A terrified child frozen in so much pain

You felt so close to me God

This felt the warmest, truest embrace

Wrapped up there in your soul

This was the first time I knew Grace.


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your warm heart

As I fell apart.


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your warm heart

Forgiveness your dove.


Now because of you

I’m becoming myself once again

But this world feels so cruel

There’s people who shamed all of my mistakes

They judged and they maimed

God it hurt more than words can say

I shut down and hid away

could barely bare to show my face.

But you were there calling me out

Your love still coming down.


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your warm heart

Lifting me up.


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your warm heart

Holding me up.


I was in the lost and found

You sought me out

A frozen heart who’d just about drowned

You thawed me out

All those mistakes in London town

You have no doubt

That I can turn this all around

I’ll try I vow.


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your warm heart

Forgiveness your Dove.


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your warm heart

Forgiveness your Dove.


You’ve been there all along

Reaching down with your heavenly song.

I so want to transform

Soften to you with every chord.

I just love you my Lord

I can see your goodness all around.


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your warm heart

Holding me up.


Your light

Unspeakable love

I can’t thank you enough

For holding my heart


Your light

Unspeakable love

Your heart

Held me when I fell apart


Song Written August 2020


The song I referenced that I listened to on the pier in Noosa that helped me that morning at 4am, is ‘About Today’ by The National. The song captured so perfectly how I was feeling, I felt far from me, far from God, totally lost. This song helped me yearn and long for Gods love and help in understanding what the hell was happening. I adore this song and if anyone has watched the film ‘Warrior’ I am sure you will be fond of it also.

There was some chatter that Jesus and Mary had been harsh at that group, but I hope my song shows that the direct gift of truth was simply the greatest gift I have ever experienced. I cannot think of what else, other than direct truth, would have awakened and stirred my soul, which had been laying cold, hard and concrete in frozen trauma and power plays up until that point.