I am a writer not writing
Spreadsheets and nothingness instead of a pen replaced
I am a singer not singing
My voice lives in Ursula and Titan’s cave
If I sing she will disapprove
So I don’t dare sing a note let alone an Aria
I am a dancer not dancing
My limbs have frozen like when Gunther shot Corelli in Cephalonia
I am a thinker not thinking
Dads voice is loud, my own brain is eroding
I wrote a goodbye to you
I felt like I was being dipped deeper in acid, my metal shine corroding
I am a joker not joking
Women’s scorn became too loud
I am a hopeless romantic not romancing
My last relationship saw me drown
I am a reader not reading
Thoughts and screens race with no relief
I am a mother not mothering
From an abortion and a weight of associated grief
I am a friend barely reaching out
So busy figuring my own shit out
I am an animal lover and vegan
With guilt, hurt and allergies from being born to a farming house
I am madly and deeply in love with you God
But I barely let it show as I was taught to believe in you is ridiculous
I long to talk of you God over fires and camping hikes
But I stay in small job sin small cities spending money on what is frivolous
I am a deep, fiery, feisty soul
Vivacious to my core
Staying alone in my room
Paralysing myself – God, my heart is sore.
